hate on me hater, now or later.

Well since this has turned into the quintessential male ranting blog, I guess I’ll stick to the program…

I’m slowly but surely starting a more run-of-the-mill normal person blog here if you want to check THAT out.

But on to the good stuff:

My luck with guys in the past, oh, month/month and a half or so has really not improved.  Had a boyfriend for a brief period who lived 7 hours away (again) and refused to ever come visit–things ended with him saying some of the most purposefully rude and hurtful things almost ANYONE has ever said to me, and us not speaking since.  My ex added me back to facebook, but that hasn’t amounted to anything except finding out about all his new love affairs and some lame small talk maybe once every 2 weeks or so.  A guy I met on my weekly karaoke nights, I somehow got really into despite having never hung out with him outside the bar and texts/phone calls (99% initiated by me) added me to facebook, then deleted me because apparently I was “too demanding” and he did not want me texting him ever, even tho at the time I was only texting him once a week and HE offered his number initially.  I think I was mostly just physically attracted to him…and I’m still not completely over it since he STILL shows up at “my” hang out every week, yet we don’t speak just make eyes at each other the whole night and it’s just weird/awkward/tense now.  Then another guy I met who lives a couple hours away…seemed real into me at first, had [what I thought] was a good first date, until the sweet texts were cut down by like 3/4, the only time I ever talked “to him” was when I’d drunkenly call him after karaoke, then suddenly all communication ceased, and I got fed up with being ignored and deleted him from facebook AND my phone.  He could be dead for all I know, honestly.  The phase out ending with zero communication is the worst, but I guess I should have seen it coming–deep down I probably did, but hoped for the best

I guess my point is, I’m sick of it.  All of it.  Dating is supposed to be fun, but it’s just not for me anymore.  I’m sick of the game playing, the guessing/wondering/hoping/waiting.  I’m sick of having to worry about if I’m calling/texting/facebooking too little or too much, or if I should ignore him for 3 days, or not open up to him for 3 months, or not sleep with him for 3 years.  Like seriously, WTF?  How do I win?  I mean, obviously I don’t….but some girls do.  And some a lot more unfortunate looking than me, so I’m convinced it’s not completely a physical thing.  Yes, I’m not perfect by any means, but will someone ever accept me COMPLETELY for who I am and fall in love with me and we live happily ever after?

The thing that’s starting to happen, and while seemingly tragic, it’s quite beautiful at the same time–I’m starting not to give a shit.  Like, I’ve tried to convince myself I didn’t give a shit in the past, but legitimately now I think it’s happening.  I’m getting so into myself and what I’m doing, that I could give a shit less if some dude wants to holler at me or not.  I’m starting not to mind sitting home alone most nights and just chilling out watching TV, reading, writing, singing, dancing, thinking, planning, achieving.  I CAN be alone, and I can be happy.

This may be just temporary, but for now, it’s bliss.  I’m free to live my life without all that aforementioned stress, heart break, emotional ups and downs, and if I do, it’s only caused by myself (much easier to handle) and not the asshole actions of some selfish guy.  I can spend my free time looking for activities outside the bar that include further bettering myself and/or the community rather than sitting around miserable because some jerk isn’t texting or calling.  My next semester in school is going to probably be the best I’ve had so far as I can almost feel my goals and dreams coming within reach.  While of course I hope to be married and/or possibly start a family someday, I definitely don’t need that now, or any time real soon.  I have WAY too much life to live and way too many things I want to do before that phase of life.  Sure, I’d love someone to share new experiences with and someone to support me and all that good crap, but I think I’m going to be just fine rocking it on my own.

I Love Men.

Til we meet again (and some new dude has weaseled his way into my life),

-L

heads will roll.

I think it should be a law that IF female “best friends” of the men I get involved with are allowed to remain, the woman needs to either be a) married b) a very solid, no-this-isn’t-just-a-party-trick lesbian or c) at the VERY least have a super serious boyfriend and have known the man in question practically since he was born so he’s more of a brother than anything and the thought of kissing him makes her want to vomit a little.

Otherwise, it bothers me, OK?  A male I’m dating whose “person” is a plain old, single female just BOTHERS me.

I know I can be called out for being a hypocrite, so here is where I will make what I believe to be a pretty decent argument.  First of all, yes, I may have several male friends with whom I’m fairly close to.  We laugh, we joke, one or two of them have been with me through the dark times.  But EACH and every time I am in a relationship, those men take the back seat.  Hell, I even considered ending a friendship with a guy I’d known going on 8 years for a man I was in love with, that’s how committed I can be (when it’s deserved).

I know how much of an issue cross-sex friendships can be in a relationship, so I know how to keep them at a safe and comfortable distance.  However here is the difference in these kinds of relationships for men and women and where I also have such a HUGE problem with them.  For me, the people I go to with any kind of relational drama, advice, moral support, etc. are my female friends.  I would never go crying to a male friend with these kind of deep and intimate issues.  For the most part, my male friends are for joking around, being sarcastic, talking about sports/music/superficial topics, giving me a pep talk when I’m being a sissy, possibly where I’d go to ask a question about a car or home improvement problem, or maybe where I’d turn  to vent about another friend he might know or has at least heard stories about every once in a while.  But where do GUYS go with their deep, intimate and emotional problems? THEIR FEMALE FRIENDS. It’s not like they go to talk to them about hair products or where’s the best place to go to get a pedicure.  They go to them to be nurtured.  They go to them to get cheered up and feel loved.  They go to them just to know they can get female attention from someone other than their girlfriend EVEN if it’s not necessarily sexual.  And 9 times out of 10 that girl is always single and always there whenever he needs her.  In my experience it’s a totally different dynamic.

I know there is the question about two-way communication flow and reciprocity (or maybe this would only be a question if I was sitting in a room full of Communications masters students), but I can back that up too.  The female will listen, but will not necessarily reciprocate unless she is interested.  But none the less, he is planting the seed, giving her an opportunity…even the most faithful guy will subconsciously flirt with his female friends on occasion.  He will talk to her about things and share things with her (stories, inside jokes), and even so much as treat her completely differently (often better, more protective, etc.) than he does his own girlfriend.  There’s a history, there’s some kind of bond that HE feels, that she might not.  I don’t feel that kind of bond with my male friends even one’s I’ve known since 8th grade…they may feel it with me, but it’s not their feelings I’m concerned with (their girlfriends are the ones who would worry about their feelings and friendship with me in this whole messy compound equation).

Does this make any sense?  Men and women seek out opposite sex friendships for different reasons.  I could never consider a male I wasn’t in a very serious and loving relationship with my best friend because I dont share the kinds of things with them (relationship details, my deep dark past, feelings, emotions, anything of major depth) that I would with my female friends.  However males DO share that kind of shit with their female friends and therefore would create that kind of bond with them.  And that fucking bothers me.  Any guy that claims some other female besides me is his best friend not only offends me, it reeeeally makes me wonder.  I dont think it’s weird for me to have doubts, jealousy, questions, or any other sort of similar feelings in a situation like this.

Eventually one of those many (MANY) female friends is going to wake up and realize that she could be sleeping with this guy she shares so many meaningful and feel-good conversations with…and in a nice, compact, neat, and tiny nutshell IT BOTHERS ME!!!

The end.

-L

mmmm whatcha say?

I’ve noticed a trend when all my relationships end.  No matter if I’m the one who [officially] ends things or not, I feel sad.  Like, always–without fail.  Is this normal?

I feel like there are some people who get out of relationships and they can just turn right around, march out with their friends and be all like, “I’m single, and ready to mingle”.  I, on the other hand, even if it was a very shitty and pointless relationship, am sad for days, weeks, even months in some cases.  I’ve heard friends of mine say after they’ve ended relationships, the guy will be really upset (enough to express this emotion to her at least), keep calling them, try to work things out, or do some kind of grand gesture to attempt to win back their heart.  I have NEVER experienced this.  I have NEVER had a guy come running after me, admit what a douchebag he was being (because I don’t think I’d ever end a relationship without there being some kind of huge problem that isn’t getting resolved even after countless requests/talks/arguments) , or beg me to come back or give him another chance.  Whenever I’ve given him the choice of “change or I’m out”, usually I end up out.  What is the problem here?  Why am I not worth fighting for?  Why do other women have the power to yield major introspection from the men in their lives, but I do not?

I really have not been able to come up with any kind of concrete explanation for this except that maybe I accept crap way longer than I should.  Maybe this crap behavior is just a sign that they want out of the relationship without explicitly being the cause of a breakup.  In my experience, men are manipulative this way.

I think just once it would be really nice to know what it’s like have someone feel like they couldn’t live without me.  For someone to be so passionate about me that they’d actually express how much I mean to them, beg for my forgiveness and vow to make changes.  Rather than just the shrugged off/”my life will go on” display of indifference I’m usually handed after any sort of rift or end of a relationship.

I wonder how many lives I will have to walk out of before someone decides to follow…

-L

falling slowly, eyes that know me

I want this:

That is all.

-L

take these broken wings

I know many people who may read this blog probably just think it’s a collection of every negative thought I’ve ever felt…especially about men. I could try to argue that point, but they’d probably be right. I write when I’m hurt–it’s just part of who I am. Oddly enough I just dont feel inspired to write when I’m happy–I think it’s because I’d rather relish in the happy moments with people I love rather than take time away documenting them in a place probably not very many people even see. I used to turn to poetry as an outlet for my “debbie downer” feelings, but now I guess my writing has taken the blog form as I haven’t really gone back to poetry in many years. I may try it again sometime, I wrote some of my best stuff when I was really hurting…

I’ve suffered from low self-esteem most of my life. Mostly due to body image, but there have been a range of things from problems with friends, to problems with my parents, to problems with men, of course. However, I think I’ve finally grown into myself a lot more, can accept a lot of my imperfections, and if I can’t, I’ve at least learned how to hate my flaws without hating myself.

That being said, why do I still have all these problems with men? Why do I attract nothing but men who want to exploit my sensitivity and take advantage of my weaknesses?  Why do I continue to accept guys who rip on my family, and who say really offensive things to me?  I’m down on myself enough, I really don’t need someone who reinforces those things, I need someone who lifts me up and makes me feel good at least 99% of the time.

I sat down and really thought hard about this tonight and I came up with a theory. I keep accepting crap treatment, so I keep getting crap treatment. Someone I thought really cared about me said/implied some REALLY hurtful things to me last night. Normal Lora would have tried to contact this person repeatedly, or found some way to clear the air and pretend like everything was ok. IT’S NOT OK. You don’t tell a woman she would be a bad mother, or purposely harm her unborn child. You don’t imply she’s an alcoholic because she’s 25 and goes out once maybe twice a week. Then you definitely don’t go the entire next day without contacting her to apologize for being such a total and complete asshole. You don’t do those kinds of things to someone you love and then go on with your life like you don’t give a shit. Someone who really cared wouldn’t go an entire day without thinking about me, and especially when he knows I’m really hurt. That level of coldness/lack of compassion is definitely on my non-negotiables list. Even if he didn’t think he did anything wrong, he could at least be the one to say “I acknowledge that you’re upset, can we talk about this?” Instead, I get nothing. However, I’m proud of myself for standing my ground and not letting this go as easily as I might have in the past. GROWTH, PEOPLE! I did still suffer in silence and let it bring me down all damn day…almost to the point of not getting my school-work done, and missing class. Almost. I refuse to fall back into that non-functioning hole again no matter how sad I am.

I’m praying to Whoever’s In Charge Around Here that not all men are so emotionally fuckwitted. That there’s some guy out there that would rather quickly and openly resolve conflict rather than play the pride card and let it fester for days/weeks/months. I really dont think I’m asking for too much out of a relationship. Love, caring, thoughtfulness, minimal drama/fighting, honesty, compromise…these things seem pretty standard and not out of the ordinary. I want a guy who’s strong when necessary but soft with me and my emotions. I want a man who adores me and the thought of making me cry tears him up inside. As much as I try to play the “strong independent woman” role, when it comes down to it, I’m ready to find that person to share my life with, to have great experiences with, someone I can lean on, and someone I know will stick by me through everything. And YES, I do want a family…eventually. (and I’ll be a damn good mom)

A friend of mine who’s been with me through EVERY dramatic moment I’ve had with the male species (including some of our own) had this to say to me tonight:

you only have one fault

you fall for men to easily

i wish you wouldn’t fall so hard

you’ve got so much to offer

He’s right. When I fall, I fall hard. I can’t help it, really. I kind of have that “go big, or go home” mentality I guess. Maybe I don’t see the point of not going whole-heartedly into things. That is until something like this happens and I wish I had approached a little more cautiously. I really need to stop living a retroactive life.

[Sometimes you say things you can't take back.]

-L

i wish i was special.

This blog might not make a lot of sense.  It’s nearly 4 in the morning, I have to work at 7:30 a.m. on a 10 hour work day, and the thunder and lightening outside my window is making it impossible to sleep.

I seriously dont know what the heck is going on in my life right now.  I want so many things, I don’t want so many things, but getting them straight and organized seems to be a problem.  I watched High Fidelity last night (one of my faves) so I guess I’ll just do it this way

Top Five Three Things That Bog My Brain At The Present Time:

1) School

Not loving it, hanging on by the skin of my teeth and pretty much looking for a way out as soon as possible.  I can’t believe I was SO excited for this experience and have been so deeply disappointed.  I’m not sure if it’s just grad school in general or if it’s the program/school I chose.  I tend to be very loyal, and really dont like giving up once I’ve committed to something, but I just KNOW that if I’m going to be continuing my education, it needs to be spent in a school that will give me more practical experience.  Learning theories and trying to organize them into cohesive long-winded research = not for me.  Practicing in a working newsroom, working side-by-side with a publishing house, producing actual creative content = huge thumbs up.  I know what I need now, I just have to find it and go after it.

2) Men

I refuse to be in a relationship where it’s a constant competition of who’s smarter, who’s wittier, constant games of one-upping, revenge, tit-for-tat, 2 wrongs make a right BULLSHIT.  I’ve never claimed to be perfect.  I’ve never claimed to remember every example of an instance where I’ve felt wronged. (aren’t you thankful for that?  apparently I need to start writing them down) However, I have a very strong intuition.  I trust my own feelings, and my own heart.  I know when I’ve asked for behavior to be modified or requested change/comprimise and it hasn’t even been given an effort.  I can tell when a man chooses to pick a fight with me in an instant I do something to upset him, but the multiple ways he’s purposely provoked me prior to that are conveniently overlooked.  I understand that when someone really cares about me, they won’t let me go to sleep upset.  I get nervous when someone doesn’t accept when I outwardly express my feelings out loud or on paper.  I can’t stand when someone butts heads with me and it almost seems enjoyable to him.  I HATE when someone can literally never engage in one full serious conversation.  I’m emotional, I’m passionate, I dont take things lightly, I REACT, I’m crazy, and if someone would rather just exploit these qualities in me rather than embrace and fully love them, well ‘someone’ can just F off.  Other fish will knock at my door if they aren’t already.  I want to fall madly in love with a man I couldn’t imagine myself living without and certainly couldn’t live without me.  I deserve it by now, damn it…everyone else is finding it.  MY TURN!!

3) My Future

???

A big ole’ question mark is all that really belongs here but i guess I can try to muster a few words about it.  I shouldn’t say I have NO idea, because that would be a lie.  I want to no longer worry about money, I want to find a great husband who appreciates me, who works hard and plays hard, who wants to have a quaint little family with me, HELPS me afford the luxeries I want/deserve, tells me I’m crazy for the ones I really don’t need.  I want an amazing career doing something I love and can live comfortably on (once I figure out what that is–I’m getting closer) and most of all I want to be happy and as stress-free as possible.  And if I am stressed, that it’s the good stress/pressure that helps me succeed and reach my goals.  I dont want to HAVE to depend on anyone for the success in my life, but I would gladly welcome anyone that wants to willingly help me out sans resentment, because no one can do it alone.  I don’t want to put limits on myself, because when I do, it only leads to a dark place.  I need to start recognizing my potential, take charge of my life, and live my dreams.

I could only come up with 3 once I thought about it and organized it in my head.  These are the big ones though.  I guess 25 is a turning point in anyone’s life, I just seriously need things to take a turn for the better and get out of this fog as SOON as humanly possible.  Please and thanks.

-L

rolling stone gathers no moss.

How hard is it to find someone who doesn’t either

a) annoy the shit out of me

b) make me feel like shit or

c) both?

More later.

-L

oh won’t you take me home tonight?

Top 10 reasons why I may or may not develop an eating disorder soon:

1.     America’s Next Top Model.  Yes I subject myself to this show by choice every week, but seriously, ONE plus sized girl has ever won, and if you ask me, she MIGHT be a size 10.  I don’t think the season that just ended had ANY girls over a size 2.

2.     Hussies at the bar who parade around with their cooch barely covered.  Yes, I realize I’m chunky, do you really have to rub it in that I can’t wear cute little outfits like that? (even tho, I dont think i’d ever walk around that scantily clad)

3.     Women who objectify themselves all over the internet.   I swear everywhere I turn there’s some website/myspace/facebook/twitter of hot girls trying to get famous/noticed simply because they are hot and wearing very little if zero clothing.  How about do something that uses your brain?

4.      Along the same lines of non-brain activity–strippers.  The fact that women can make SO much money simply for taking off their clothes makes me want to throw up everything I’ve eaten in the past year.  And then start punching men in the mouth.

5.     Reading statistics and watching studies about how attractive people always get the better jobs over the unattractive people.  And for women that means having a great bod.

6.     Fashion magazines that claim women are “curvy” i.e. Kim Kardashian or J. Simpson after she put on a few pounds.  Hello?  Does curvy basically just mean you aren’t flat as a bored and shaped like a boy?  Beacuse last time I checked I wouldn’t consider someone a size 4 to be “overweight” “hippy” or “curvy”.

7.     Infotainers like Guiliana Rancic, who basically have no more skill or talent than I do, but has a sweet as job and major cash flow just because she’s hot and skinny.

8.     This whole new school phenomenon of “bootylicious” girls who really just have normal sized, if not small, asses.  Ask Sir-mix-alot–this “whooty” craze is NOT what he was talking about.  http://www.myspace.com/whootygirl None of these girls “got back”.

9.     Seeing a guy I used to hang out with (but wouldn’t date me) all over some anorexic looking blonde at the bar.  Yeah, i don’t give a crap about him anymore, but it’s still a blow to the self-esteem.

10.     Women who don’t even have to try, can eat whatever they want, and still be thin and look amazing.  Seriously F each and every single person with a naturally lightening fast metabolism…I hate you.

I need some motivation to lose this weight and FAST.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated–or if anyone wants to pay for large amounts of surgery, that would be fine too.

-L

my tea’s gone cold i’m wonderin’ why, i got out of bed at all.

Ok well, this day has blown harder than many days I’ve had in a while.  On top of the fact that I have 2 HUGE papers, and 2 video journalism projects due within a week all of which are not even close to being done, I have 4 finals to take next week, I got incredibly sick yesterday, was barely able to function today, EVERY day this week goes from about 8 a.m. to after 9 p.m., I somehow have to find time to drive to Michigan this week as my license expired on my birthday, and the guy I like seems to want nothing to do with me right now.  But you know what is the icing on this bastard of a cake?  MY CAR NEEDS AT LEAST 700 DOLLARS IN REPAIRS. (did I mention I just spent over 800 a month ago on almost entirely replacing my back brakes? And then 200 over spring break replacing my tie rods?  Yeah…this car is only worth like 4 grand, and i’ve only had it since august)

So I dont have a car until I can steal or sleep my way to 700 bucks, and OPPOSITE to what i’d normally do (pout, cry, whine, bitch, then cry some more) I decided to write a blog about some things I’m thankful for in life.  Let’s see how far I can get before wanting to slit my wrists.

1. I have friends.  I have great friends in fact.  Although I don’t always talk to them all the time, I know they are there for me (well besides when I need money) and I can count on them for emotional support.  They always know how to make me laugh when I’m feeling down…like this little gem:

1:35am Brandon

it’s been shitty here, i want to rip out my pubes one by one

1:37am Brandon

i want to become a born again whore

1:37am Lora

lol

do it, it’s fun

1:38am Brandon

well i figured you’d know best

2. I talked to some guy tonight that I used to date like WAY back during my freshman year of college.  Like before my first real boyfriend even.  You could have said we were together although he never accepted the title “boyfriend”.  Anyways, we caught up a little and after all this time he ended up apologizing for how he treated me and said he let what could have been the best thing in his life go…yadda yadda yadda.  Anyways, at one point in our convo he told me that I’m “very easy to love.”  I  don’t even remember the context of the convo, but I feel like that’s the best compliment someone’s ever given me.  So, I guess I’m thankful for that trait about myself.

3. I’m thankful that I’m not homeless, I’ve been given opportunities that I probably don’t deserve, and ONE DAY I will have the life and love of my dreams (even if that day isn’t today, or anywhere close to today)

4. I’m thankful that I don’t change myself to appease people.  When I’m having a shitty day (like today), you’ll know about it…I’m not one of those people who can just surpress my emotions and put on a happy face at all times.  The best people in my life know how to eb and flow with my range of emotions (very few know the details of this, but if you’re interested, ask me in private) and try to talk me through things or at least give a shit and make an honest effort at compassion.  The worst people in my life just close me out (for something I can’t always perfectly control)  To thine own self be true, yo’.

5. On a related note I’m thankful I have compassion for others (not so thankful that this tends to be one-sided most of the time).  For instance…if someone came to ME and was like “omg, i have a crisis, my car needs tons of repairs and I can’t afford it”.  I wouldn’t just say “oh I’m sorry” or “that sucks”…I would actually try to help them brainstorm ways to get the money they needed or at least feel better about the situation, “could you sell something?”  “could your parents or someone in your family help you with all/half the expenses?”  “do you have books you could sell back?”   “I can loan you 100 dollars, sorry I can’t do more”(I wouldn’t make them feel humiliated and ask ME for the money, I would offer what I could up front) “will the mechanic let you make payments?” or “I can give you rides to work until it gets fixed (or is there someone near you who can give you rides to work)”  Anything to help the person think rationally,  not freak out, and feel less hopeless.  Someone who actually takes the time to help you work out a situation is someone who truly cares about you and I pride myself on being that type of person.  We all need somebody to lean on.

6. I’m thankful that for, despite all the HORRIBLE shit I’ve been through in my life, not being locked up in some mental institution, not being hooked on illegal substances, not so depressed I can’t leave the house, and I can actually cope pretty well in most new and unfamiliar situations.

7. I am thankful for, despite all the men who’ve done me wrong, still having SO much love in my heart that will one day go to a very lucky and deserving man.  As much as I envy some of my friends who are settling down and have found “the one”, it’s kind of exciting to know that he’s still out there waiting for me.

8. Last but not least, I’m thankful I’m not this chick:

Haaa.  Night Y’all….another day reporting from HELL tomorrow.

-L

let me break the ice.

Ha, well I just noticed a blog comment from some anonymous coward named “Solange” with an email “smeltertown@gmail.com” and thought it would be interesting to post and comment on it. I have since taken the blog entry in question down from public view since me and the subject ARE still talking, and I didn’t want to further subject him to hurt feelings. Anyways, here’s the ballsy internet responder’s comment:

Who are you? Beyonce?

Reading this blog from an outsider’s POV it seems to me that you want to have your cake and eat it too. No one is saying that it is wrong for you to “explore” you options, but I’m pretty sure that means MEETING people and not FUCKING them. Just because it is your birthday doesn’t give you a pass to be slutty. (FYI: Hooking up with a random stranger makes you a slut, it also makes the guy a slut. It is also incredibly disgusting) As for having integrity, if you had any you wouldn’t have slept with a complete stranger

In any case, when you are “seeing” someone or even “talking” to someone it is okay to talk to other people. Get to know them of course, but it is NEVER okay to have sex with someone because it is your birthday. That is like saying, “Oh, hey it is Cinco de Mayo, I am going to blow a Mexican.” Really? Really?

To answer your questions: No, moving won’t change a damn thing you’d only be running from your problems. Yes, you are a horrible person for taking a person’s feelings for granted (I can’t speak on other area’s of your life). Yes you probably do intentionally hurt people. You prefaced your entire entry with how you “can’t win with guys.” If you automatically think that you’re setting yourself up for failure, EVERY TIME. This one is going to hurt, but it is the truth. YES YOU ARE A SELFISH BITCH. I am sorry, but it is the truth. This whole entry points out how this is ALL about you and not about the other person affected and what they felt. It is almost as though you are trying to absolve yourself from the guilt that you do and SHOULD feel. Be a woman, step up and admit your mistake and quit trying to turn it on the poor dude.

I am not trying to pull the holier than thou card because I am not going to get into heaven anytime soon, but I have learned from my own mistakes. I used to think the way you do, and I learned the hard way that that way of thinking is not only damaging but incredibly wrong. If you’re going to set standards for guys, shouldn’t you set standards for yourself first? If you’re casually dating/talking/seeing a guy then you owe them the respect and courtesy that you expect from them. Yes, you were up front, but you were deceitful and probably took their trust in you for granted. I can only guess that the guy wants nothing to do with you now. Lesson learned. Respect everyone as a human being first and foremost. Think of how YOU would’ve felt had the tables been turned. I am sure you are saying to yourself “oh, I wouldn’t care! We aren’t dating” but we both know that that is a big steaming pile of bullshit.

Now, Beyonce realize that this guy has feelings too and you should’ve respected them and maybe you would’ve found he was the one worth keeping. Maybe he will be another life experience, either way have respect for yourself and quit giving the reformed bad girls a bad rap.

Happy Belated Birthday.

My first response will be this:

Ok random anonymous ballsy commenter, here’s what I have to say to you:
First of all, I appreciate your opinions and while I can only assume you know me in some fashion, why not reveal your identity? Are you ashamed of what you’re saying? I mean if I were gutsy enough to call someone a selfish bitch, disgusting, slutty and whatever else you implied in your comment, I would want credit! And WTF is with the smiley faces and the birthday wish? Hello MPD.

Second, I never once said that I didn’t hurt the guy…I was simply venting as to why I should be made to feel like shit for things he not only encouraged, but then later asked to know about. You don’t know the entire situation, and you don’t know what was said between parties. Obviously it wasn’t my finest hour, but things like this happen all around the world, everyday, it’s why there’s a definitive term for one-time deals such as this. Not saying it’s right, but I’m not the first, and certainly not the last. And to be quite honest, although it’s not the best place, people meet in bars all the time–who was to say it couldn’t have led to more?? My mission of that night certainly was not to “find a guy, talk to him the whole night, hook-up, and never see him again.” That’s really never my intention when I meet someone I’m attracted to, but oh well, it was just the way it happened. And as for taking a person’s feelings for granted–usually when I have feelings for someone, I don’t tell them they should “get some” from someone else on their birthday…so maybe the whole “feelings” thing was a little unclear. Am I sorry for what I did? Of course. I never want to hurt anyone. But I certainly shouldn’t be so harshly labeled or judged for something I drunkenly chose to do.

I’ll go back to the old standard that if I were a male, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Guys can go around, making women feel like shit about themselves for their short-comings, cheat on their wives, move from woman to woman with no explanation, lie to nice girls, bang whoever they want–no strings attached, and be total pigs in general and no one bats an eyelash. I do one “slutty” act, and suddenly I’m a horrible wretched selfish bitch. Hmm. Something is wrong with this equation.

Me and this fine gentleman have worked out our misunderstandings and are doing great so far.  He really is a great person and I’m hopefully never going to hurt him again.  Anyways, thank you for your unabashed ruthless comment.  But, next time, grow some balls and tell me who you are.

-L